How Does Uncertainty Impact Our Nervous System?

 Expecting the worst-case scenario:
"What if the cancer comes back?" or "This is going to ruin everything." 

Seeing things in black and white, with no middle ground:
"If I can’t fix this, I’ve failed." or "If we fight, our relationship must be broken." 

Assuming you know what your partner is thinking or feeling—usually something negative:
"They don’t care about me." or "They must be tired of dealing with me." 

 Predicting the future without real evidence:
"Treatment isn’t going to work." or "They’re going to leave me if this gets worse." 

 Believing something must be true just because you feel it strongly:
"I feel hopeless, so things must be hopeless." 

 Placing rigid expectations on yourself or your partner:
"I shouldn’t feel this way." or "They should know what I need without me asking." 

 Using one negative trait or mistake to define yourself or your partner:
"I’m a burden." or "You’re so cold." 

 Blaming yourself for things that are outside of your control:
"It’s my fault we’re in this situation." or "If I were stronger, we wouldn’t be struggling." 

 Ignoring or minimizing positive things:
"That good appointment doesn’t count—it’s probably just a fluke." 

A: The uncertainty of test results, future health, and life changes keeps the brain on alert. Without closure, anxiety can stay “on” even when things are stable. 

A: That’s normal. One may want to talk through everything; the other may need silence or space. Understanding and honoring each other’s coping style is key. 

A: CBT helps you slow down racing thoughts, challenge fear-based beliefs, and reframe them in a way that’s calming and truthful—reducing emotional overwhelm. 

A: Pause the conversation, name what’s happening, and use grounding tools. Then reconnect when both of you are more regulated. Safety always comes before problem-solving.